The Eldest Daughter

I am the eldest daughter of an immigrant family. I am an older sister. I am expected to be perfect. I am expected to fit a certain mold. I have all these expectations that I am constantly reminded of. I have these unspoken responsibilities that no one can see or understand. There are things that I "have" to do. I am expected to sacrifice my dreams. When I ask them why, they say it is because I am the oldest, and as the oldest I have to be a certain way and make these certain sacrifices. They may not realize it, but these expectations and perceptions of being "perfect" had left me with no space to breathe. I am not writing this to complain but to speak my truth.

One thing about me is that I never want to let anyone down; especially those who I care about, but while worrying and making sure that everyone else is okay and happy, I did not realize that I had let myself down. In the middle of all this chaos, the eldest tends to never feel good enough for their parents, their siblings, and even for themselves. My whole life I never really realized how much I sacrificed my feelings just because I am the eldest.

Now, it is because I am the eldest that I am determined to make a change. In the past few years, I have had time to spend alone and to focus on myself. I have decided to fight this idea that I need to give up who I am to be successful. I have decided to remold the expectations. I have decided to get rid of this idea of perfection. I am much more than just the eldest daughter. I am Harleen. I am a leader, a caregiver, and someone who has all these dreams. I am someone who tries every day to spread just a bit of positivity to be able to help someone; even if it is by a little. I am someone who is determined to do what she can to not only fight for herself but for everyone else who is stuck under these "expectations".

I am the eldest daughter of an immigrant family. I am an elder sister. I am Harleen.